Saturday, October 25, 2008


Time is so taken for granted. We think we have it all. We are sure to live our lives on schedule, no interruptions, or stops. But this is so naive.

My friend Megan Baldwin died last night. She was my age, and I had known her since fourth grade. When I heard, it didn't click. It clicked in the sense that I cried and was sad, but...I still thought that I'm going to see her again in the mall, or when I go to her church. It didn't click.

So, when you think about that cliche, overused phrase, "Live every day like it's your last", take it to heart. Repeat it to yourself, let it sink it, and understand the magnitude of that little epigram. How would we change if we did just that? Would we care about most of the things we care about now? Would time seem so ready to be wasted? I think we'd become completely different people if we lived that way.

So watch the Time, my friends. Watch the Time.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Blind Faith

There is a time when your senses deceive you, your heart fails you, and your flesh fights you. But that is the time when Christ grows you. As you grope through the fog of pressure, pain, and confusion, you have to trust His voice, when even He, the Lord, is invisible.
Your emotions scream, "There is no God." Your flesh cries, "You fool, He is not there!"...but He who overcomes whispers through His Word, "I have not forgotten you, I will never let go of you, and you can breathe long and deep again."
I am weary of the wanderings, I'm finished with no foundations. Substance, truth, purpose, and divine power are my prizes to be sought. Once more, the weapons of this world have failed me, so now I arm myself with the love of Christ.

The sun glared in my eyes as we looked across the dunes. It was almost time. Fear called from far off in my mind but dared not get too close for the Lord stood beside me. He wore red and gold armor, with no helmet. His black hair blew in the breeze, and his darkly tanned face was set. I looked back to the dunes. The Enemy trumpeted from afar, but was still marching. An oasis to my right glimmered in the sunlight. Jesus looked at me; I could see Him in my peripheral vision. My heart leapt at the sight of its Creator. I looked at Him, bearing all my fear and worry in my eyes. But they were met by a look of excitement and zeal.
“Jesus, I’m scared. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am,” I said. My eyes fell with disappointment. Jesus came close to me and squatted down, looking up into my face. His eyes were filled with fire and eagerness.
“I know. It’s all right. I get to protect you. Nothing will hurt you today. Do you understand? I will kill for you today, if need be. I will kill for you.” He looked at me with a hard-set face, assuring me that I would be safe. Once He knew I believed Him, He smiled and stood up. We looked up at the horizon, searching for the Enemy. He didn’t keep us waiting. A dark hooded figure came over the dunes. His figure looked watery from the heat of the desert rising off the sand. He came forward, each step making the earth tremble. Jesus turned toward me and took me by the shoulders.
“Listen to me. I don’t expect you to be brave and heroic, but I do expect you to obey me. Do whatever I tell you to, no matter if it makes sense at the moment or not. The Enemy will tell you things, horrible things to make you second guess me, but remember I love you. I love you more than you will ever know. Do you understand me?” He said, looking straight into my eyes. My heart leapt again.
“Yes, Jesus. I understand,” I said. I swallowed hard. The Enemy’s presence was starting to chill the desert. We both turned again to face the dark, shadowy Enemy. He was much closer than I expected. Jesus smiled and looked at me. His eyes seemed to say; “You ready? Let’s do this.” I smiled and laughed, being filled once again with excitement. I set my feet, ready to run at the Enemy. Jesus stood staring straight at him. He had a look of sadness in his gaze, remembering the dark creature’s former beauty. The Enemy slowed a little, almost fighting against Jesus’ stare. I looked at the Enemy wondering what he would do next. He slowed and stopped.
Jesus looked at me and said quietly, “Ready?” I nodded and He smiled. Then He looked at me again and said, “When I tell you to run, run as fast and as hard as you can, right at the Enemy. Don’t stop until I tell you to.” Jesus set His feet and hardened his jaw. The fight was about to begin. We waited, Jesus, the Enemy and I for what seemed like hours, then as if on some supernatural cue, Jesus and the Enemy both started to run at each other.
Jesus yelled to me, “GO, RUN!” I bolted. I was slightly behind Jesus in our pursuit of the Evil One. We got closer and closer to him and I began to hear hissing, terrible hissing coming from his mouth. The closer we got, the more I heard that it wasn’t hissing, it was talking. The Enemy began to talk to me in my mind.
“Child, you can’t win. As you run, your blessed Shepherd runs ahead. He’s deserting you. You can’t hear Him, how does He expect you to obey His orders when you can’t hear him?” He hissed. I started to feel weak and frightened. My mind slowed down and became foggy. I watched as the dark, lumbering figure and Jesus race toward each other. They hit. Pure light mangled with the blackest of black. They fought in a supernatural battle, good against evil. I kept running, all the while becoming more and more certain that Jesus surely didn’t want me to pass them by. Don’t stop until I tell you to. His voice became muddled with my own, telling me to slow down and stop. I started to ease up and hesitate. The Enemy pounced. Smothering darkness immediately surrounded me. Fear yelled its obscenities in my ear, now becoming bold with Jesus not at my side. I choked and started to grope for light. There was none. The Enemy yelled at me.
“Child, you can’t win! Where is your Shepherd NOW, CHILD? HE’S GONE! Dead and rotting in a tomb on a hillside with the stone still set! He’ll never win. I am mightier than God!” The earth shook.
“JESUS! OH GOD, HELP ME! JESUS!” I screamed. I ran every direction, searching for Him.
“I’M HERE!” a voice bellowed to my right. I jumped and turned to face Jesus, standing at my side. The darkness was blasted away and the Enemy stood before us, cowering. Jesus faced him, sword drawn and angry.
“You shall not touch my child, Lucifer. She belongs to me. I love her and you will never speak to her again. Now GO!” Jesus commanded. The Enemy turned and fled from the Lord. I collapsed at Jesus feet and cried. My heart ached at my own disobedience. Jesus’ did too. He kneeled down beside me, taking me up in his arms.
“Jesus, I’m so sorry! I should have listened to you, you were right. You were right. Please, please forgive me!” I said, sobbing.
“Hush, it’s all right. It’s all right. I love you.” He picked me up in His arms and carried me across the desert.

Friday, September 5, 2008

This is it.

I won't forget.
But I will move on.
Jesus will have to carry me.
But that's how I want it.
He is so good.
He never lets go.
He makes me cry for joy.

God: I love you, Bonnie.
Bonnie: I love you too.
God: Please stay with me. Don't wilt and fall away. Stay close.
Bonnie: I'm trying, it's hard a lot of the time, though.
God: Most of the things worthwhile are hard to achieve.
Bonnie: You're going to have to fight for me...fight my battles.
God: I wouldn't have it any other way...and you wouldn't win by yourself, and I won't accept defeat.
Bonnie: Let me know You're close. Awaken my heart when You talk to me.
God: I will always be close to you. You just have to see Me there.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

First time.

Hello all.
As you can see, this is my first time blogging. I decided to create a blog because I can write on here that which is too daring to post on Facebook, but really too important to leave unpublished.

I'm not crowing about the profoundness of my thoughts, or that they will mean anything to you at all...and I certainly expect very few people to actually read these posts. But that, in a way, makes it safe. I can write what I want without thinking about what other people might suppose about me. An untasted freedom for most people.

So, think what you want, comment if you will, and we shall all be very satisfied.